The Bachelor Recap: Arie's Season, Episode 7

**The only spoilers in this recap are what happened in the episode. Everything else is just my opinion.**

Sorry for the delay here, folks! I was under the weather earlier this week. And then I just put off my second viewing of this mostly-boring episode as long as possible. (I’m sure you can understand.)

“I can’t wait to drink some wine and have some pasta!” Arie exclaims over footage of his boring self walking through the streets of Tuscany. We’ve seen those hefty wine pours on your dates, we know you’ll be partaking in some wine drinking.

I can’t help but be jealous -- the scenery is breathtaking. What a waste that they’ve given such exciting locations to such a low-energy person. 

Tia said she had to look at a map to figure out where they were in Italy. Girl, just ask Sienne or Jacqueline … you know, the smart ones.

“Hey girls. Just come on in,” Chris Harrison says to the ladies at an outdoor location. Is there a “Chris Harrison Job Training School” I need to submit an application for? TEACH ME YOUR WAYS. And then teach me how to get paid millions for it. (I know I mention this every week, but it’s only because I can’t get over how he has a job saying the dumbest things in the coolest locations, while I’m here on my couch saying dumb things every day and I get nothing for it.)

My favorite part of this interaction with the ladies is that Chris Harrison has somehow translated Arie’s “wow”s and “awesome”s and “I like that”s to make him sound articulate. He’s like Arie feels like his relationships are progressing with you and he’s really excited about the future. Chris, you used about one too many “big” words for me to believe Arie said any of that to you. 

He also drops the bomb that there won’t be a rose ceremony this week, just group dates and one-on-ones where Arie will hand out roses. Also hometowns are next week so hold on to your butts.

One-on-one date with Becca

I get that Arie’s thing is cars. I really do. But they are pushing it a little too much here. Cool. He’s driving up in another good looking car. We get it. I’d just like to point out that it doesn’t make Arie cooler. At the end of the day, we all know he’s a wet blanket who’s overcompensating for something.

“Right now I feel like that one-on-one date was FOREVER ago,” says Becca, who probably went on the date only a few weeks ago.

She was the first to get a one-on-one, which I kind of forgot about since Krystal had the other one-on-one and it was far more interesting/crazy.

I know I’d be doing it too if I were in another country, but for some reason seeing and hearing Americans butcher another language is so cringeworthy. 

Arie says he picked Becca for this date for a reason (sure..) and that he wants the date so he can see if they can get back on track. I don’t know what that means, and let’s be honest, neither do you and neither does he. What track? How has the relationship gotten off track? No one knows.

Is Arie watching his carbs or something? I love that he asks for a small loaf of bread. I love even more that a small loaf of bread in Italy is still a large loaf of bread. You don’t deserve Italy, Arie.

Becca talks about how she’s never really traveled with a boyfriend until now. Have you ever traveled with your boyfriend and his six other girlfriends? I’d choose that San Diego trip over this any day.

It’s so interesting to me that Arie always says things like “I need to see if the spark is still there before I can give her the rose,” while he’s making out with her non-stop. Is that spark hidden in the back of her throat or something? No wonder all of these women are blindsided when he lets them go. 

At the night portion of their date, Becca goes over who would be at the hometown date and talks a good amount about her ex-boyfriend. She dated him for seven years! And now she’s about to bring someone home who she’s been dating for mere weeks and who isn’t monogamous. I need to know how families are OK with this situation. It makes no sense.

Becca gets the rose, so we’ll find out exactly how her family will react to him.

Things Arie said on the date that somehow pass for conversation:

  • “So pretty.”
  • “I like that.”
  • “I like tough questions.”
  • “I love that.”
  • “That means a lot.”
  • “I’m really, really, really, really hopeful for us.”

Is it me or does the kissing go from aww to ugh every single season? Just the sound of making out makes my skin crawl.

Jacqueline’s one-on-one with Arie

OK, technically, she didn’t get a one-on-one. But there were so many doubts swirling around in her head that she ended up making her own.

She decided to tell the ladies and the nearest cameraman that she was having second thoughts about the relationship and the potential of a future with Arie.

She said something didn’t feel right on her date last week with Arie (could’ve fooled me).

I cannot stress enough how weird it is to tell your boyfriend’s girlfriends about how you’re feeling about the status of your relationship with your mutual boyfriend. How can you trust these people?

Kendall: “Is there any part of you that feels like you can stay and feel it out?” DO YOU WANT HER TO TAKE YOUR SPOT, KENDALL? WHO KNOWS WHERE YOU COULD BE GOING TO NEXT! … Oh that’s right to your hometown. But then the next week you’ll go somewhere awesome. You want her to take your spot to that next awesome place??

I actually get the feeling that everyone is nervous about bringing Arie to meet their family.

“I’m not sure I can visualize his conversations with my parents.” And there it is! Love that you’re admitting that this is an issue, Jacqueline.

She keeps saying she doesn’t trust her instincts, but to me she is trusting her instincts. Just because it’s a scary thing and it’s not the norm doesn’t mean it’s the wrong decision.

I’m honestly not convinced she would’ve stayed past this week either way.

When she goes to his hotel room to talk to him, she’s all over the place. Like, for a moment I can’t tell whether or not she’s actually going to leave the show.

She explains how she doubts the relationship and thinks there are other women who are farther along in their relationships with him. Then she explains how she doesn’t know how she can stay while she’s not as confident as the other women.

THEN she makes out with him. And I think Arie and I are on the same page. Is this a breakup or are they just talking it out?

Arie’s like “Are you scared of me?” I think women everywhere can collectively agree that’s not the case. You’re wearing a plaid shirt, bro. But he’s asking because she said she was leaving and then made out with him. This conversation should’ve ended several minutes ago.

Arie’s like “I don’t want this to be over.” But I’m pretty sure he means he doesn’t want this to be over until he says it’s over. ...Which was probably going to be during this episode anyways.

Honestly, I can’t hate on the game here. I would do the same thing. Break up with him before he breaks up with you.

I feel like there were a couple of seasons of The Bachelorette where the women were broken up with and they either ended up bringing the guy back or harping on the loss for a long time. Yeahh, guys don’t work that way. There are six other women who are ready and willing to make Arie forget all about Jacqueline (except Kendall, who does that hyperventilating cry thing when Jacqueline goes home), and he’s happy to oblige, trust me.

The producers are like “Arie, lets do a shot where you put your hands over your mouth and do long blinks like you’re really upset or something. Then tomorrow we’re going to do that longing stare out the window thing again. America is gonna eat it up.”

This whole thing was so long and so drawn out that at the end of the day, I feel bad for no one.

One-on-one date with Lauren B.

How is Lauren surprised she got the one-on-one when she was complaining to the producers the week before?

They go on a bike ride around the city of Luca.

Lauren’s like I do still have things I want to talk to him about but I’m just going to walk around in silence with him instead.

Is ABC trying to do a weird switcheroo with us? I feel like they’re editing her to look lame so that when he picks her we’ll be so surprised.

Before the staged soccer game, Lauren says some interesting things. I guess I haven’t been paying attention to her all that much because I didn’t realize she was in a serious relationship a year before doing this show. Like to the point where she was engaged. I can’t imagine being like “A year ago I saw my forever with this person and now after knowing someone for two months, I see my forever with him now.” I feel like she’s closed off because she never came on this show for love (maybe for exposure or to be a person who does sponsored Instagram posts and makes BANK) and maybe she really is starting to like him.

Let’s talk about the soccer game. ABC is so lame they’re stealing from themselves. “Kid, kick the ball directly at that couple’s table and invite them to play. It’s going to look great. We’ve done this before. America’s always into corny stuff like that.”

I think I liked it better when they were stealing date ideas from movies.

Also, does Lauren look like the kind of girl who wants to play soccer with a bunch of kids? And do those kids look like they want to play with two adults who don’t know what they’re doing? No and no.

Before their night date, Arie totally contradicts himself in his voiceover. He says he’s falling for Lauren and then says if things don’t progress he has to let her go. Progress to what? You’re falling for her, what’s the next step that must be figured out tonight or else? Obviously there’s something there between them that we don’t see, and there’s nothing she can say that would stop her from getting a rose.

So Lauren tells Arie that she’s falling in love with him and he does this huge gulp. “You seem like you have something to say,” Lauren says, and I kid you not in this moment, Arie’s like I’ll be right back AND WALKS AWAY.

I know this is weird, you know this is weird and Twitter sure as hell knows how weird this was. Take it away, Twitter:

First of all, how is this supposed to make Lauren feel? I am uncomfortable with how Arie reacts. Of course, ABC will never tell us what really happened in this situation, but I have my thoughts:

Arie says he’s nervous (sure Arie), and says there’s nothing wrong (no one believes you). But then all he has to say are the magic words, “I’m falling deeply in love with you,” give her the rose, and all is forgiven. But I thought he still needed to figure things out??

Things Arie said on the date that somehow pass for conversation:

  • “Oh, wow.”
  • “Mm, bellissimo.”
  • “God, this is so beautiful.”
  • “I love that.”
  • “I have to, like, understand you better to get to know you.”

One-on-one date with Sienne

It’s kind of strange that he didn’t give the one-on-one date to Kendall since she’s never had one.

Arie’s like Becca and Lauren set the bar really high because they said they’re in love with me. I have a feeling this date is the end of the road for Sienne. I mean, just think about who’s left to go on the group date. There’s no way she makes it past this episode. But I love her all the same, even though she tried to get Arie to like her.

Their date is essentially to follow around a man and his dogs around while digging for truffles. Snoozefest.

Then Julio the Truffle Hunter brings them to his home and they basically have a hometown date without Sienne’s family.

I’ve been saying for years that black families and Italian families are alike. We’re loud, we have amazing food, we pry into your business.

Sienne, no matter what language you say it in, two months does not a solid relationship make.

The producers for sure didn’t prep the “authentic Italian family” on the show. I doubt they’d be asking these questions about love if they knew there were five other women sitting at the hotel waiting for Sienne to go home.

Something about the way they kiss after the family pretty much forces them to tells me that the feelings aren’t reciprocated by Arie. That and the fact that he says they had a good date and he can “tell that she really likes me.”

Sienne’s like I’ve learned from this date that love is a strength and not a weakness. Arie’s like did you know pasta is just eggs and flour?

Ugh, it’s so tough to watch Sienne let her guard down knowing that he’s not feeling the same way she does.

I think they only kissed like two times on this date, so we should’ve seen this coming.

Arie keeps talking about following his heart but I think he means penis.

So Sienne gets sent home, but not before telling him that she was blindsided and wishes he would’ve said something about how things were progressing (or not progressing).

Hey girl, you should stay in Italy a little longer. There’s a whole Bravo show about Italian men who love black women.

Things Arie said on the date that somehow pass for conversation:

  • “I love that.”
  • “So pasta. All it is is eggs and flour.” You’re too old not to know what pasta is.
  • “I love this. Beautiful.”
  • “The way they view love and talk about love, I love that.”

Group date with Bekah, Tia, and Kendall

I’m so tired of this show trying to make us feel bad for Arie because he has to make “tough decisions.” These aren’t real decisions. And they’re not that tough. No one feels bad for you so cool it with pretending to be sad over it.

The group date takes place at Villa Royale, where Napoleon’s sister used to live. Who is Napoleon’s sister and what’s her name? ABC doesn’t care and neither should you since no one mentions it.

Tia has already mentioned the fact that she’s going to talk to Arie about how Bekah is only 22 (we know) and is immature (we also know this). For one moment, can we just take a second or two to reflect on how childish and immature this whole show and process really is. You’re going on a date with one man and two other women, who happen to want that man, too. You’re literally on a show where the premise is to line up in front of a man as if he’s a child picking out toys. This show is childish and not serious.

Let’s also take a moment to reflect on 22-year-old me vs. 26-year-old me:

I think I was crazier in my mid-20s and I can’t be the only one.

Bekah talking about her family is funnier considering her mother reporting her as a missing person. I’ll bet ABC made sure to put these moments on the show so that we’d get a chuckle.

“I do have more questions for you,” Arie says to Kendall. “I’m trying to picture your family.” Do you know what a question is, Arie?

How is Kendall not salty about not getting the one-on-one this week?

Bekah makes the mistake of confiding in Tia. I really liked Tia up until now. I’ve been saying forever that these women are your competition. Come on now. We haven’t really seen Bekah say her feelings out loud until now, which makes me think it was all done off camera. So shame on Tia for bringing it up. And shame on Bekah for trusting her. Shame all around.

“I feel like it’s my duty to try to tell him how I’m feeling.” The people who try to make it seem like they’re looking out for others when they’re really looking out for themselves really get on my nerves. Krystal was awful, but when she talked about other people it was so obviously self-serving. (I’m hoping next week marks the first week I don’t mention Krystal in my recap, but I can’t make any promises. Turns out I really miss her!)

Arie is so impressionable. He makes it seem like he’s not, but I’m pretty sure Tia telling him that she doesn’t think Bekah is mature enough for this sways his decision.

The one thing I do appreciate is that Tia tells Bekah that she talked about her to Arie. But also, does she do this on purpose to make Bekah react? I don’t even know anymore.

Bekah crying is super sad though, I think it’s because of her baby face and the fact that I nanny twice a week for a baby who rarely cries but when she does it makes me so sad!

Arie and Bekah’s dynamic is so weird. It switches from romantic to familial and then back again. He hugs her like a dad.

“Can I ask you some tough stuff?” Arie asks Bekah. This is good. That was a question, nice job. “I know your family was opposed to this.” For the love of God.

I wonder if he is turned off by the way she describes her family. What I love about Bekah is that she doesn’t seem to say things just to make him feel good. But it’s also clear that he wants someone who says what he wants to hear. And in this case what he wants to hear is: “I can’t wait to bring you home, my parents will love you!”

Arie gives the first rose to Kendall, and I’m shocked. I could’ve sworn she’d be the one going home.

So now it’s between Bekah and Tia, which of course it is. I should know ABC’s ways by now. The two of them go on a dinner date, where they have to say the same things again to Arie that they’ve already said earlier and on previous dates. Yes, yes, you’re falling in love with him. Yes, yes you want to bring him home to your family.

Arie tells Bekah that he’s logical (even though he just told Sienne that he’s not logical). Bekah keeps telling Arie to “have a little faith in me,” which annoys me because she so often just gives these quippy one-liners that would be great if this was a commercial for Depends or something, but not so great for the actual situation.

Arie’s gotta make a decision, and he decides Tia gets the rose. I’m not mad he sent Bekah home, just disappointed because it completely busts my Bachelor bracket.

Things Arie said on the date that somehow pass for conversation:

  • “Yeah. I love that.”
  • “I think today has been pretty amazing.”
  • “I know that it’s hard to express what this means.”
  • “I love that.” (None of the toasts on this show have been THAT impressive.)

I wasn’t too thrilled about the hometown dates until I remembered one thing about Kendall:


What’d you think about this week’s episode? Who do you think will go home next week? Any predictions for the next Bachelorette?

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